Who Says?

Yes I might be quoting a Selena Gomez song this week.  It came on my iPod during my run today and it helped inspire this post.  This song reminds me of the summer of 2011 that I spent as a camp counselor at a camp for children with special health needs.  It was the summer before the lupus diagnosis.  I knew I was sick, but I was blissfully unaware to how sick I was.  My campers loved that song and we had many dance parties to this song.  We’d turn it on, break out our best dance moves and just enjoy that moment.  We were all so happy and living in the moment it was just so beautiful.

I’ve never been one to follow the “norms” or do what I’m “supposed” to be doing.  I was reading books and I started kindergarten at the age of 4 because according to my preschool teachers I was “too smart” to be in preschool.  I’ve read Voltaire and Hemmingway for fun.  Oh and I’ve even looked at my dad’s old analytical geometry textbook just for fun and because I was intrigued by the subject matter.   

When it comes to my health issues and what’s been happening to my body this is no different.  Things don’t go how they’re “supposed” to be going.  I’m not responding to medications like I “should.”  If they say something is rare and probably won’t happen, chances are pretty good that it’ll probably end up happening to me.   Throughout all of this I feel like I’ve become tenacious, in a way I’m like a bouncy ball.  Things keep happening and I just keep on bouncing back.  I’m here to keep fighting, to keep defying the odds and to keep proving everyone and everything wrong.

Right after the lupus diagnosis, I was talking to one of my advisers and they told me I should probably plan on dropping out of college to enjoy the rest of my life as I’m probably going to die anyways.  I’ve also dealt with similar comments from professors.  Not only did I not drop out of college, but I graduated with two majors.  My first one was Biobehavioral Health and my second one was Human Development and Family Studies: Lifespan Human Services Option. (I know it's a mouthful and I bet you can’t say that last sentence 5 times fast J ) Who says people with lupus can’t successfully complete college or lead a productive life?  Well obviously those idiots did, but I did what I did best and proved them wrong.      

On my birthday adventures, I went zip-lining, I snorkeled with sea turtles and I greeted every sunrise with an enthusiasm most others couldn’t muster.  Who says life with a chronic illness has to be boring or means you can’t travel? Oh yeah I’ve gotten comments like that from some... Not only did I absolutely love my adventures, but I thrived that week!  I’m currently planning my next HUGE trip which will (hopefully) be a Northern European adventure of a lifetime.

When it comes to the Princess Half things are no different.  A girl that battles nerve pain, arthritis (in the vast majority of her joints), nausea, headaches, heart issues and so many other issues every day signed up to voluntarily run 13.1 miles just for fun.  Most of my healthy friends wouldn’t even consider doing that.  Yet there I am lacing up and taking on the world.   I’ve found such a sense of peace and I’ve fallen in love with the sense of freedom I find on my runs.  Who says people with lupus can’t be active?  People have told me that I’m crazy and they have no idea why I’m doing this to myself.  Well then again they don’t battle half the things I go through daily so I just smile at them and say why not?

Last week was kind of dreadful as I was dealing with yet another bacterial infection and the fungal infection in my GI system came back to play.  Who says you can only get one infection at once?  It takes a true champion and overachiever to get two completely different ones at once.  Then this champion completely rocked 4.1 miles today (my longest run to-date!)!!! 

My journey so far has been unexpected and definitely a struggle in more ways than one.  Yet through these struggles I’ve developed even more strengths.  I understand the importance of the everyday little things and making the most out of life.  I’m truly one that tries her best to seize every day and love the life I’ve been given (well some days are definitely easier than others) plus I've become one that gets to defy the odds, prove the specialists wrong, and make them truly think (all good things of course). I've discovered (as long as it falls within my realm of restrictions) that I'm the only one who says what I can and can not do.

Heading into this week I’m cautiously optimistic and surprisingly hopeful.  Yes we have more questions than answers but then again I’ve almost become used to it.  I’m just I have no reason why, there’s no logic or reasonable explanation behind it, yet I know better than to question it happy.  Who says one in my circumstances can’t be happy?  When I have a million reasons that I could be crying, I’m finding 1.5 million reasons to smile and be happy instead.