Wanderlust

When I was younger, I enjoyed traveling, but at the same time I didn’t crave it or “need it.” Then in late December 2008, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. We had a family trip to Disney planned for that January. That was my first trip since being gluten free. The chefs at Disney were able to feed me safely and I didn’t get sick once that week! Since then, Disney has become our go-to destination.

They could feed me and my mom safely and it is also very wheelchair accessible. I became a creature of habit and I knew it was going to be safe there so I didn’t really want to try or go anywhere else. I became almost terrified to travel elsewhere and step outside of my comfort zone. Even the smallest amount of gluten makes me violently ill and I found (and still find it) it hard to trust places to feed me safely.

Even the thought of trips outside “the world” led to lots of anxiety then once I got diagnosed with lupus, my perspective definitely changed. At first I was still truly terrified to go anywhere else as I didn’t want to deal with the lupus stuff plus celiac and all my other autoimmune illnesses. Slowly I started to change my perspective and become intrigued at the idea of traveling elsewhere, but ultimately I couldn’t bring myself to go anywhere else.

Then many times this past year, I came face to face with my own mortality. At one point, I could physically feel my body shutting down and I was terrified. I made bucket lists and a list of things I hoped to do before I die. I didn’t think I was going to live through Christmas 2013 so I really didn’t think I’d live long enough to accomplish things on my lists.

Through those experiences something inside me clicked and my attitude completely changed. I came to the realization that life with chronic illnesses is so unpredictable and I have to make the most out of life NOW. Yes I know that at any time lupus could kill me. Yes I know that I can very well become another tragic disease statistic or I could defy all odds and live to 122.

I think that point has hit my parents really hard too. I’m their youngest, I’m their “baby.” They’re supposed to be able to protect me, but nothing they can do will protect me from this. They’d trade places with me in a heartbeat if they could, but unfortunately that’s not an option either. They’ve become focused on making memories and having fun now versus doing things “some day.” As “some day” isn’t really guaranteed, everything can change in an instant. We’ve traveled more and made more magical and wonderful memories in this past year than we have any other year prior to this.

Cruising has become our escape from the world of chronic illnesses. Each day is filled with adventures and shenanigans and the most beautiful frolics. It’s a great compromise as during the day, I’m free to explore new lands and go on adventures yet I know at night I can safely go back to the boat where they can prepare me allergy safe meals. There’s this sense of peace and serenity I find at sea and I believe I’m happiest there. There’s no specialist appointments, no fighting with the insurance or medication companies and no trips to the pharmacy.

It has become our way to celebrate life, bravery, and defying the odds. On these adventures, I feel hopeful and like I can do this and I’m going to live forever so I can take my (future) children on a Disney cruise and on the most splendid adventures. Instead of fighting lupus and everything that goes along with it, my priority becomes living in the moment and the pursuit of happiness. Yes I still have to deal with and be mindful of my restrictions, but I’m becoming a master at managing that stuff.

Ever since my latest cruise, I’ve wanted, no actually I’d say it’s more of a yearning to travel and see the world. On that trip we sailed from San Juan and went to St. Lucia, Antigua, Grenada, Barbados and St. Kitts. Such an awesome itinerary and I loved all of our ports of call! Everywhere on that cruise, was my first time going to that place. It really opened my eyes to life outside my comfort zone.

I love planning trips, I love day dreaming about places to go, I love pricing cruises “just because,” and I’ve made a list of places I want to go before I die (and the list keeps on growing!). While traveling, I just feel so free. I’m not afraid for my future, I’m not the lupus girl, and I just feel so alive

For my next adventures, I’m going on a 7 night cruise next month. Just to the Caribbean so nothing too exciting or crazy, Yet it’s going to be so beautiful and peaceful and I’m ready to escape this icky weather we’ve been having recently! Plus we’re bringing along with us my 9 year old cousin and partner in crime and I haven’t seen him in almost two years so that’ll be some added fun.

My next big adventure will take me to Denmark, Estonia, Russia, Finland, Sweden, and Norway. That is the adventure I’m BEYOND excited for! These places are all so unique and have such rich history. I’ve been learning about the places I’ll be sailing to and personally I find it all fascinating. Just planning this adventure has gotten me through many bad days. Some days I want to say I’m done, I can’t do this anymore then I remember or they remind me about this trip I have and how I have to be “healthy” enough to enjoy it. Other days just day dreaming about these adventures is enough to get me through the puking, severe pain, and just pure dreadful days.

I think wanderlust perfectly sums up my life right now and it’s become one of my new favorite words. There’s so much out there, outside my little bubble and outside my comfort zone. There’s some of the most beautiful lands and most fantastical adventures still waiting to happen. I crave adventures, I want to see the world and experience things unlike I’ve ever experienced before. To quote one of my favorite Pixar movies, “Adventure is out there” and I can’t wait to see what my next adventures will have in store for me!